


Follow me to Hell

by Notevenwinded



Category: Captain America (2011), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-25
Updated: 2012-07-25
Packaged: 2017-11-10 17:07:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/468675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notevenwinded/pseuds/Notevenwinded
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony heard this before. He heard from Pepper how scary and agonising was to fall out of love, having the person that meant everything to you treat you like a proper stranger, not being there when you mostly needed them, totally ignoring you. Bad thing is, she didn’t warn him about how painful and scary was to fall in love with someone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Follow me to Hell

Tony heard this before. He heard from Pepper how scary and agonising was to fall out of love, having the person that meant everything to you treat you like a proper stranger, not being there when you mostly needed them, totally ignoring you. Bad thing is, she didn’t warn him about how painful and scary was to fall in love with someone. And the worst; she didn’t mention how self-harming and horrible was when the feeling wasn’t mutual. 

Tony Stark wasn’t used to be rejected, not at all, if one thing, he was a well-known heartbreaker, and that wasn’t his fault (according to himself at least), he said it before: no relationships or all that commitment crap. That’s why being with Pepper didn’t work out, and realised that if he wanted to keep the people he cared about close to him,  _not_ being with them seemed the right thing to do. Besides, Pepper seemed to be properly happy with Happy (what an surprise, Tony used to think to himself), and Pepper even urged him to find someone suitable to be my Tony Stark’s side.

_“Is nobody good enough for you?”,_  she used to ask him, rolling her eyes. Tony wouldn’t usually reply, he would pretend that he couldn’t listen to her, that seemed to send her off most of the time, leaving him alone in his workshop, taking his frustration out to Dummy. What Pepper didn’t know was that, Tony wasn’t good enough for anyone else. And especially not for the person he least expected himself to like.

Steve Rogers appeared in his life like one of those god damn missiles he had to deflect every now and then. And according to Tony, he would rather deal with 10 of them instead of having actual feelings over a real person. Too much trouble for Tony to handle.

Meeting Captain America wasn’t exactly like Tony pictured it to be, and there was no way of admitting to him that he still had his toy figure and toy shield locked away in his house when all the two of them did was fight and bicker.

They eventually started to get along, and much to Tony’s dismay, his father seemed to be a common subject to discuss. Steve was a clever man, he picked up how uncomfortable that topic seemed to make Tony, and Tony was grateful when Steve dropped his father as a conversation starter.

One thing brought another, and the two men started to spend more time together, in the beginning wanting to discuss some of the team’s next moves together, those two being considered as the team’s leaders by the rest of their small group, then ending up talking about today’s music and films.

When Tony looked back to those days, he was surprised about how he fell for that guy. Tony Stark didn’t fall for people, no, his emotions were always contained, he pushed back anything that leaded him closer to others. He let go once for Pepper and things didn’t end up well, so why did he even consider giving Steve a chance? It just didn’t seem right, Steve was his complete opposite. But Tony knew basic science, the laws of attraction seemed to be proven right when it came to him and Steve. Well, at least from his perspective.

Much to his annoyance, Steve could read Tony like an open book. Tony noted how Steve seemed to fold his arms and watch him carefully, which caused him to move into his seat, feeling like Steve could see right through him. And he was right, Steve knew exactly how messed up, fragile and broken Tony was, which annoyed the young genius so much, that much that he locked the Captain away, refusing to let him in for days. He hated that, he despised it when people saw past his disguise, even if he let out desperate calls for someone to do that. With Steve though it was well.. different. The Captain seemed to respect Tony’s wishes after a while, not imposing himself and giving Tony all the space he wanted, which always ended up with Tony coming back for more of the soldier’s comfort.

After their first hesitant kiss and fight, Tony was almost sure that this was going to be a love-hate relationship. He didn’t hate the Captain, how could he hate America’s most loved hero? No, he hated so much he  _needed_ him, how much he started to mean to him, how scary was to imagine a day away from him. Pepper was right, being in love was terrifying and hurtful.

What was more scary and frightening for Tony though, was how Steve was able to leave the room when they were arguing, how he did that with such an ease, only to come back hours later, always ending up with Tony apologising to him. No, it didn’t feel right. Tony wouldn’t tell that to anyone else, but he hated how low he seemed to drop just to get Steve’s attention and affection back. He was addicted to that soft pat on the head or the short hug that Steve gave him when they made up, and he knew that it was wrong. Tony was strong enough to shove everyone else away from his life, but Steve remained there, no matter what. When Steve came back into the room, his eyes dark, still affected by their fights (that Tony seemed to start every god damn time), Tony seemed that he lost control of his own body and emotions, begging for forgiveness. But what if that fucked up their relationship? What if one day, Tony’s apologies would mean nothing to Steve, what if the Captain would be ready to move on, realise how he was hurting himself and Tony, and decide that keeping his distance would do them both good?

“No, this can’t be right”, Tony muttered, his eyes widening as he was sitting on the floor, running his fingers through his messy hair, not caring if his hands were still covered in petrol and other dark liquids.

“It won’t work,Tony.. Not for us..”, Steve’s voice was heard from the corner of the room, leaning against the wall next to the bedroom door.

“How can you know that?! Huh?! You never tried, you never gave me a chance to prove it!”, Tony yelled his grip on his hair tightening.

“I gave you.. I gave us many chances, Tony.. we always end up hurting each other, love shouldn’t work this way..”, Steve replied calmly, his soldier persona coming on now.

“No, no! You will stay here, I will keep you here!”

“You can’t keep me here against my will, Tony, it has to be.. mutual”

“So.. is that it? You don’t care about me anymore, huh? What was all that future talk crap then? Oh Tony, we’ll get a house together one day! Can you imagine us being parents? Or growing up together? Huh? What was that? Why did you have to do that, Rogers? Why? Why make me.. why make me fall so much in love with you if you were going to give up anyway? Why? I need answers!”, Tony snapped, his shoulders violently shaking as he spoke, not having the strength to stand up.

“I.. meant every single thing I said, I swear..“ Steve replied, attempting to approach the man on the floor.

“Don’t you dare come any closer, don’t you fucking dare!”, he yelled. “You see, you can’t do that! Don’t trick me like that, don’t give me everything then take it away from me, I’m not your play thing, Rogers! I trusted you, I let you in, and I did that once before in my life. And when I started to believe that everything was going to be fine, you just.. give up.. great team leader you are there, I thought the Captain would never surrender”, Tony snorted, his voice breaking down as he talked.

“Tony.. just let me explain, a break would-“

“Don’t try to play that card on me! A break means you’ll leave and never come back, just tell me that you’re leaving me now, it will hurt much less”, the billionaire replied.

“I can’t say that, Tony, you know that very well..”, Steve replied, kneeling down to match Tony’s height, still away from him as he was commanded.

“I do? I thought I knew you, Steve but.. why, how do you know what’s right and what’s wrong? We’re not even halfway there, Steve and you’re ready to give up. Neither of us know how love feels, but if I were to talk I would.. I would say it feels like this”, he replied, gripping his shirt, his hands close to his heart, hitting the arc reactor be accident, a constant reminder that his heart didn’t seem to work like everyone else’s did.

“Like what? Having your heart break to pieces with every single one of our fights? Almost killing each other then softening it up with some sweet words and forget everything? Feeling like we.. we need each other so desperate to feel complete, to feel ourselves again?”, Steve replied calmly, his own heart aching as he admitted how he really felt.

“Exactly. Getting hurt then coming back for more, not even knowing why. Steve.. there’s no happy ending, just the sole need to be there for each other, for being there in each other’s lives, whenever that means that we need to fall in each other’s personal Hell. Because trust me, Steve, my life is nothing but a rotting hell, soften by you and you only. Don’t leave me alone in there, Steve, just.. don’t..”, Tony said, looking up to Steve, his eyes still red. “And trust me, I was strong enough to do that alone before you showed up.. then you did something.. you changed all that.. I can’t do this alone, Steve, I need you there to fight by my side”

“So.. is that what love should feel like? Softening each other’s harsh lives? What if I can make it all better for you?”, Steve said after a long pause.

“Then you’ll be the first. And last” Tony shivered, rubbing his neck. It was good to let that out of his chest, but still, something was missing.

“I promise I will, just.. let me do it, Tony. Don’t be afraid, trust me, I’m as scared as you are..”, Steve replied more softly, hesitantly raising his arm to touch Tony’s cheek, sighing in relief when the man didn’t push him away. “I promise.. everything I promised, everything I told you about our future.. I swear it, Tony, we’ll make it work, I’m not leaving you alone in Hell, heck I would follow you there blindly if I had to”, he said, gritting his teeth.

Tony chuckled sadly, his palm over Steve’s hand. “I’ll remember that promise.. Don’t let me down, I will do my best to not let you down either”, he nodded, shutting his eyes, letting Steve pull him closer for a hug, both of them sitting on the bedroom floor, by the bed they shared for so long now.

“I hate you, Steve.. I hate you for making me love you so much..” Tony whispered, gripping tightly on Steve’s collar of his shirt. The man had a soft smell over him, the warm smell of sweet, red apples, a smell that Tony treasured so much.

When he first told Steve about it, Steve laughed, admitting that to him, Tony smelled like sweet watermelons. It was a nice memory, and Tony remembered how they had a lot of those, like the first time they slept together, a soft song starting to play from the living room when they were both hugging each other, Steve turning around to Tony with a blush on his face. “ _This will be our song”_

“I can’t hate you, Tony. I love you, and I will forever. You’re stuck with me for a lifetime”, Steve replied softly, whispering in Tony’s ear.

Tony nodded, even if Steve couldn’t see him, his head buried into his chest. He was fine with that, and just like Steve told him, if that was his personal Hell, he couldn’t wait to see how their mutual Paradise would be.


End file.
